D-DayDelivery DayOn December 25th, 2002 we discovered that my wife is pregnant. From doing some complex calculations based on my wife's menstrual cycle, an estimate of the date of conception correlated with the winter solstice and the vernal equinox with relation to elevation in respect to sea level and factoring the sexual position(s), the time of day, and phase of the moon; (whew!) we figured that our baby's due date is August 27th, 2003. I really like kids and now that I have been married for over 1 and a half years having a kid is exciting... because it is the one time in man's life that on that glorious day, when your wife goes into delivery, you have that chance to drive your wife to the hospital at hell breaking speeds and get away with it. I have been dreaming about this day since my job as a pizza delivery driver. Imagine reaching speeds throughout the town that are inconceivable. There is only one problem, I live less than 2 miles away from the hospital. My only hope is that we decide to go to a hospital in another city. Maybe she can go into labor while we are out of town, then I can really speed the whole way home. That is hoping for a lot. I might just have to accept that no matter how close we live, I am going to drive that 2 miles like there's no tomorrow. Considering the manliness of my wife's station wagon, within 2 miles I can probably get it up to speeds exceeding 60 MPH. But I still might have enough time left to install a 5.0L V8 with Nitrous Oxide, 5 point seat belt harnesses, roll cage, huge meats (tires), anti-lock breaks, and a siren with flashing lights! |